Spring Fever.

I haven't blogged in a while, and that's because it's not 40 freaking degrees below zero with the wind howling and the snow swirling. Writing for me is mainly something I do when I'm trapped by circumstances.
For the last couple of months I've had spring fever. I've been accused of having a little seasonal affective disorder in the past (among other things) and it doesn't take a shrink to see that it's an accurate diagnosis. I've been like the Roadrunner on methamphetamines lately. I wake up in the morning and beep beep zip zam! I am out of here. If I'm not working or doing something with the kids then I'm out running or biking or at the gym.
Working. Yeah, umm, that's the other thing that's been keeping me away.
Some of you may not know me all that well, and if you're going to be reading my blog, well, you should probably have some background on working and I.
I have an issue with working, and it's something that I think I really need to deal with. I loathe and resent the fact that I have to work. I realize this sounds ridiculous and foolish, but it's the way I feel. I've had a lot of jobs, worn a lot of hats as they say. I've been a chef, restaurant manager, bar manager, travelling salesman, treeplanter, water and sewer worker, assembly line worker, retail sales guy, food and beverage consultant, poker player, bartender, waiter, car salesman, writer and the list goes on. Just last week as a matter of fact I quit another job. I was working as a car salesman, and while I think it's something that I would eventually do well at, my bills need to be paid now, not eventually. So I had to take another job. Now I'm an equipment operator at a salt processor outside the city. I get 4 days off every week, and with the exception of the water and sewer job (which offered 30 hours of overtime every week) I'm making the most money I've ever made in my life. The work is pretty easy, the people are great, the pay is good and I'm going to have half of the summer off yet still be able to pay all of my bills. I'll also be able to continue working as a copy writer on the side which is great.
So why the hell am I not grateful for this job? Why do I still loathe the idea of going in? The answer probably consists of a number of things. I've really had to dig deep, and I've found that it's not because I'm lazy. I'm a high energy person, and a hard worker. I once worked 72 days straight to turn a failing restaurant into a profitable one.
I think the big problem is that I don't feel that I should have to surrender my personal autonomy for anyone or anything. It's arrogance. I don't like being told what to do, and I don't like doing it on somebody else's timetable. Perhaps it's a combination of arrogance and control freak. I'm not controlling of other people in my life at all. In fact it's completely the opposite. I don't make any attempt to impose my will on others. Somebody once told me that this is the height of controlling behaviour. Realizing that to truly control others or to control my environment, I completely check out, thus being in complete and utter control of myself. Maybe that's right, I don't know. But the thing is this. I really have got to work on accepting that much of my life is going to spent doing things that I need to get done rather than doing things that I want to do. So my exercise for this week is going to be reducing the number of times I allow myself to be resentful of working, and increase the amount of time that I'm grateful to be working.
That's all for now. No pictures to go with this one I'm afraid. Not yet anyway, maybe later.