I like 'em. I like 'em a lot. I'm a High Fructose Corn Syrup junkie, and jelly beans are the crack cocaine of HFCS. The next step past jelly beans is snorting sugar straws, and I've only done that once. It's a place I don't want to go back to.
But here's the thing with jelly beans. I don't like all of them. There are some I don't like. There are some, if I may say, that actually piss me off beyond all belief.
When I buy jelly beans, I buy them because of the HFCS as stated above. That's all I want. A jelly bean is like HFCS wrapped in pure condensed HFCS. The red ones, the white ones, pink ones, they actually taste like pure unadulterated HFCS, the kind you can't get on the street, the kind you have to go to a lab to find.
But then, and this is what pisses me off, THEN they (THEY being the jelly bean cartels) have to go and f*&K it all up by putting in all those flavored ones. Black ones for instance, that taste like licorice. WTF is that?! If I wanted licorice I'd go to some granola peddling hippie's natural food store and pick it up with my ginseng and freakin' gingko. Seriously. Or green ones! Minty muthaf*&^in' green ones! I don't want mints if I'm buying jelly beans. I'm not some fisherman's friend with a halitosis problem and low blood sugar. Keep the herb out of my beans man! that's what I say.
I don't even want to discuss lemon. Holy Shit! Lemon... Yeah, thanks for that one, I'll garnish my next Red Snapper with it. F*&(tards.
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